I’ve written a couple of posts about resilience at work now, and this is the last one for the time being!
In the previous one, I talked about the importance of giving feedback early rather than storing it up until it becomes a much bigger thing.
I’ve been thinking about that a little more because it’s not just when you give feedback that matters, but also how you give it.
I’ve managed teams of all shapes and sizes over the years, and I like to think I’ve got feedback right more often than I’ve got it wrong.
Definitely not always. There are conversations I can still remember now and cringe about! But I think I learned fairly early that how you give feedback matters just as much as the feedback itself. Possibly more.
The exact same piece of feedback can leave someone thinking, “OK, I know what I need to do differently next time,” or, “Maybe I’m just not very good at this.”
Quite often, the difference is surprisingly small.
Give feedback while it is still useful
Timing is a big one. I made this point in my last post: the longer you leave something, the bigger it becomes.
What could have been a quick correction on the spot suddenly becomes “feedback” three weeks later, complete with examples you’ve been quietly collecting.
That’s a very different experience for the person on the receiving end.
Ask before telling
I’ve become much better over the years at asking before telling.
Early in my career, I’d go into a feedback conversation knowing exactly what I wanted to say. I’d say it. They’d listen. Job done!
Then I switched to asking first.
Shout out to one of Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits:
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
It’s something I try my best to live by, both at work and in my personal life. I’m definitely not perfect at it, but when I get it right, it makes a huge difference.
“What do you think happened there?”
“What would you do differently next time?”
They’re ridiculously simple questions, but they completely change the conversation.
There needs to be a next time
That’s the other big one for me: there needs to be a next time.
Telling someone what went wrong isn’t particularly useful on its own. Helping them work out what they’ll do differently when the same situation comes up again is.
As we’ve been building our platform to support managers of early-career cohorts, a lot of what I’ve learned over the years has resurfaced in the content.
Good feedback should be:
- Timely: given while the situation is still fresh, rather than stored up for a formal conversation.
- Specific: clear enough that someone genuinely understands what needs to change.
- Focused on what happens next: not simply a judgement about what happened before.
- Psychologically safe: delivered in an environment where someone feels able to admit, “I got that wrong.”
Your first reaction matters
You can have all the feedback models, frameworks and carefully prepared conversations you like.
But when someone comes to you and says, “I’ve messed this up,” the look on your face and the first thing that comes out of your mouth tell them an awful lot.
Probably more than the over-constructed feedback you give them ten minutes later.
